he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
our cab driver is having phone sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
as a side note pls kill me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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