A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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