How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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