I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
