During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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