My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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