So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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