I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
