Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
