There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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