So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
