DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
