Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
