We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
