I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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