I am spending my child support on dildos
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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