Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
