She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
