her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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