weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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