Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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