i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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