He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
