Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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