It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
