Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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