i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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