At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think your dad took our porno
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
