When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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