Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
