did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
