On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The beers last night were like the tears from god
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize