Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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