remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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