11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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