I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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