The best revenge is premature balding
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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