I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
