I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
