She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My vagina is officially offended.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
