Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Someone shit on the floor
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
