I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
