With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
