Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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