Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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