She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
