yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
