I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize