2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
