I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
