Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
