i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
