did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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