yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
