if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know her cup size but not her name....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
