i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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