ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
