officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize