It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
