you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
