I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
