Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
