there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
