I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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