i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
