Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
