Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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