In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
