I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
