she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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