On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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