a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize