I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
