i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
