And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize