I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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