he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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