I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
