Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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