Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
