I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
