He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
