thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
