i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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