there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
