Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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