Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
