We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
