You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
