so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
