He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
