Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
