Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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