I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
