I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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