Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
