I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
