I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
