you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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