Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
