Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
