Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
