Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
