My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
