i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
