i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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