Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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