maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
