I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
