Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We are two peas in an std pod
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
