So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
