there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
