And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
